Chase Dreams, Not People

What does it mean to Chase people?

 

Have you been in a situation whereby you feel that you are chasing someone? It could be a love interest, it could be a friend. We have all experienced this, right?

Chasing someone means that you are putting more effort into maintaining a relationship than they are. Maybe you are always the first one to text, call or make plans.

There is nothing wrong with being the first to get in touch with someone but if you are doing this constantly, then you are chasing this person.

 

How does it feel to chase someone?

 

It feels so shit (excuse my French). You meet someone you feel you could vibe with, you are excited, you put in some effort and then they do not reciprocate. Maybe they do, but not even close to your level.

You start a conversation like a normal person but the more you interact with this person, the worse they make you feel. They either do not invest as much as you do (assuming you don’t go overboard), they cancel plans regularly or just do not seem to be as excited as you are to be interacting with them.

Slowly, they eat away at your confidence. You can’t stop thinking about them. You wait anxiously for them to get in touch. You put your plans on hold because they had mentioned they might be available on that day to hang out with you. Sometimes you see a ray of sunshine through the clouds trying to get through when they contact you (maybe send you a text or call you) and you feel that, yes, this might work! Then just as quickly the ray disappears behind the clouds and once again, you are waiting on them, hanging onto every interaction they send your way.

You receive mixed signals from this person. Sometimes it feels great to hear from this person but overall, atleast 70%-80%, you feel unhappy when building a relationship with such a person.

 

How can chasing a person affect you?

 

You’ll be unhappy

The worst thing about chasing a person is that you’ll be UNHAPPY. I’ve put this in CAPS because it is the worst thing that can happen to you.

How can you let a person be the reason for your unhappiness? How can you put a person on a pedestal so high that you give them the power over your happiness?

Is this person so amazing, so unique, that they have the right to control your happiness?

A relationship where you are constantly putting in the effort will make you absolutely miserable and you need to cut it out of your life.

Holding onto someone that on the whole makes you unhappy cannot be a good start for a long term relationship.

 

It will affect your mental and physical health

When you chase someone and are not happy, naturally you’ll try to counter this by doing something that might make you less unhappy e.g. you might binge eat or drink alcohol.

You may lose sleep, lose focus on your work, become anti-social and reclusive.

In turn, your physical health will suffer.

Lack of sleep can cause Alzheimer’s disease, a weak immune system, increased risk of heart disease, cognitive failure, diminished libido, poor skin condition, increased diabetes risk and many others.

Binge eating can cause weight gain which can affect your perception of your physical image and hence loss of confidence.

Alcohol consumption can increase the risk of cancers of the breast, mouth, throat, liver, colon, rectum as well as high blood pressure, heart disease and digestive problems.

Lack of focus on work will increase your financial stress taking you further down the rabbit hole.

Why would you let a person affect you this way?

 

You’ll lose confidence

I feel that confidence is underrated. It is the one thing that we need to learn more of from when we are young than anything else.

Being confident means that you can do and achieve anything in life if you set your mind to it.

You’ll be more influential and attractive in social settings.

You’ll get more done and help make the world a better place.

When you chase after someone, you get the feeling that they don’t like you that much.

This will definitely affect your perception of yourself, because then you’ll start asking questions like, “Is there something wrong with me?”

The moment you fall into the trap of asking such questions, your confidence will suffer. You’ll no longer be in your best state, you’ll no longer do all the wonderful things you were doing.

You need to be around people who lift you up, support you, tell you that you are an amazing human being and build up your confidence.

Chasing after a person who does not recognise all the wonderful things about you (because if they did, they would not make you chase them) will greatly affect your confidence and you need to stop that interaction.

It is hard enough as it is to build up your confidence, right? You don’t need an extra obstacle in your way destroying it.

 

You’ll lose sight of your purpose

When you are chasing a person, you are focused on only one thing or most of your focus is on a person.

This means that you are giving less time and energy to the other things in your life that matter. This could be work, your family, your hobbies or other people who need your help.

What will happen 1 month or 1 year down the line when the person you are focusing all your time and energy on decides to walk away anyway?

Not only will you be miserable because of this outcome, but you’ll also have lost one month or one year of your life which you could have spent on things that matter to you and by now, you could have achieved something big.

I studied economics and there is a concept called opportunity cost. This means that the cost of doing the first best option is the loss arising from not doing the second best option. Everytime you choose to do one thing, you are giving up the second best thing to do and that will always be a cost. If the first thing does not pan out, you’ll have lost two fold because the second thing that you could have done has not panned out either. There will always be an opportunity cost everytime you choose to do something and therefore you must ensure that the probability of success is high for whatever you choose to do.

Sorry for confusing you with my economics speak 🙂 but my question is that is it worth chasing a person if they are going to negatively affect how the rest of your life pans out? A person should add to your life not take away from it. You are better off focusing on something that will definitely pan out in a positive light.

 

How to stop chasing a person?

1. Think about all the things that will happen from chasing this person

Yes, read all my points above. Chasing a person will make you unhappy, affect your physical and mental health, affect your confidence and negatively impact other parts of your life that matter to you.

Just think, do you really think a person could be worth ALL THAT to affect your life this way?

I don’t think any human exists in this world that could be so amazing for you to justify them impacting your life this way.

 

2. Live your life

You chase a person when you constantly wait by the phone to hear from them or keep your schedule empty just incase they want to meet up.

Inorder to stop chasing a person, you need to put your phone away and make plans. Meet your friends, go to see that play, take a holiday, volunteer, just get busy.

Soon enough you’ll forget about this person and will be doing amazing things for your life.

 

3. Meet other people

Excuse me, but how many people exist in this world? I think it is about 7.7 billion.

Saying there is no one else who is as amazing is the most nonsensical thing that you could say.

Get out there, sign up to clubs or activities in which you are interested in and meet people who actually value you and won’t make you chase them.

 

4. Do you really want to build a relationship with this person?

If a person is making you chase them, how can you even want this person in your life?

You’ll not be permitted to be yourself, you’ll constantly cancel your plans for this person, everything will go their way. I mean, are you really so worthless that a person can have the upperhand on you like that?

If for this short period of time, a person is making you feel this way, imagine if you felt this way for your entire life? I think you’d need to go to a mental health centre.

 

5. Meditate, be present and constantly be aware of where your thoughts are taking you

Sometimes the best way to stop chasing a person is to catch yourself early enough before you start the chase.

If at any point, you feel uncomfortable and feel that something is not right, either have a conversation with this person or distance yourself from them.

Do not get to the stage where you are stuck in the vicious cycle of making the first move constantly and feeling good when they reciprocate just a little.

Secondly, take a moment everyday to meditate, be present and take stock of what’s going on in your life.

If you feel that a person is making you unhappy because of the way you are interacting with them, stop, breathe and think about how to move forward. Do not let anyone make you feel worthless or unhappy.

 

6. Focus on your dreams

I am a true believer of chasing your dreams, not people. Why? Because you can’t control people but you can control how your life turns out to a certain extent.

Want to be successful? Focus on your work.

Want to be happy? Do all the things you love.

Want to travel? Book that holiday.

No matter what your dream is, as long as you put in the work, it will pan out if it was meant to be.

With people, it’s more difficult. You can’t work harder to have people in your life – if anything, it will have the opposite effect.

Therefore, if you want to chase something, let it be your dream. Not a person.

 

Chase dreams, not people

I hope you enjoyed reading my post on chasing people. I hope I’ve provided some helpful tips on how to stop chasing people and hope it helps you.

I have been in this situation more times than I can count, not because there’s something wrong with me, but because I just want to be loved. We all just want to be loved, right? It’s normal to end up in such situations no matter how high your IQ or EQ, it’s only human. And some people have a way of getting into your head no matter how enlightened you are.

The best thing you can then do is to take a daily stock of your behaviour and interactions with people and remember, the best thing you can do for yourself is to do those things that make you happy.

Anything else does not deserve to be in your life.

I wish you all the happiness 🙂